我和他

今天终于有了和他单独相处的机会， 很开心。 他很准时的到了我家的楼下， 我很喜欢准时的男孩子， 因为可以让女生等十几， 二十分钟的男孩子， 我会觉得他很没有责任感。 一路上， 我们没有讲太多的话， 多数都是我去找一些话题来聊， 这让我有点失落， 后来索性就不讲话了。 我望着窗外， 一切都好安静， 虽然失落， 但是还是很舒服。

到了地方， 我们一起买菜， 大家讲的话也越来越多， 彼此开玩笑， 开心代替了失落。 有的时候大家靠近的时候， 就会闻到他身上淡淡的香皂味。买齐了东西之后， 他说想要吃点东西， 真好， 可以坐下来聊天。 买了粥， 还有他最喜欢的箩卜糕， 我们就坐了下来。聊了很多， 聊到学校， 聊到侍奉， 我发现他是一个很有主见的人， 也有很多想法， 最重要的就是他很有PASSION去侍奉神。

快乐的时间总是特别短的， 他送我回家， 看着我进了门口。 他真的是一个很好的男生。

我不知道他在我生命当中会停留多久， 但是我很开心能够认识他， 和他做朋友。 很多事情不一定要有结果才叫美丽， 有时过程也会成为生命当中最美丽的点缀。我想如果有一天我知道他有了女朋友或者他有喜欢的人的时候， 我会难过， 但是我仍然会感谢他在我生命当中所留下的痕迹。因为酸甜苦辣的生活才会更加看显出生命的真实。

一个星期又要过去了， 每天都很忙， 忙着工作， 忙着买礼物。 今年的圣诞节是我来到加拿大之后最有节日气氛的一次。 参加公司的PARTY， 同事之间交换礼物， CONTRACTOR又送礼物给我们， 每天都会有人和你讲MERRY　ＣＨＲＩＳＴＭＡＳ，　心里觉得很温馨。　

这个星期最让我开心的一件事情就是我可以有勇气跟我的ＭＡＮＡＧＥＲ承认我的错误，　承认我曾说谎话骗过他。他听了之后，完全没有怪我，　还对我说就让这件事情过去吧。我很感谢神，　为了这个结果，　更为了神给我力量让我可以战胜自己的软弱。　那一刻，　觉得自己很轻松。我越来越感激神摆在我面前的每一个功课，　当我ＰＡＳＳ了的时候，　我就会觉得身上的暇疵少了一点点，　距离成为神合适的器皿的时候就又近了一点点。　当想到神是这么用心良苦的磨造我的时候，我的心就越来越渴望可以更好的被神所使用。

今天ＰＡＳＴＯＲ　ＭＩＣＨＡＥＬ　Ｅ－ＭＡＩＬ　给我要跟我谈谈我想全时间侍奉的事情，这是我一直都有想的问题，　因为现在单身，　时间，　精力都是最足够的时候，　真的应该为主做工的。　希望早点可以清楚自己的的恩赐是什么，　应该在哪一方面摆上自己的侍奉。　

　

懒惰的小珊珊

这几天很懒， 我想我最近都很懒， 没有用很多的时间灵修。 回到家里就想坐在电视机前看电视， 然后就睡觉。 觉得这样就是最好的休息了。每天早上都和自己讲， 晚上要多点时间读圣经， 多点祷告， 但是一天的工作结束后， 就不想再用我的大脑了， 太累了。

一天24个小时真是不够用， 一大半的时间用在了工作和睡觉上面， 剩下的时间就是疲倦。 这样真的挺没劲的， 我一定要改变我的生活状态， 否则日复一日， 年复一年， 我会失去我生命当中最重要的东西， 就是和神的关系。

昨天看了一个电视剧， 里面的一个情节很触动我， 一个男人在知道自己有肺癌晚期的时候， 回忆这一生的生活， 最后他得出的结论就是他这一辈子都在辛辛苦苦的赚钱养家， 这一生都觉得挺累的， 死了反而可以歇歇。 我想这是很多人的生活写照， 很悲哀。一个没有盼望， 没有把握的人身真的是生不如死。

不知道和神承诺过多少次我会紧紧跟随他， 会用我的生命侍奉他，但我现在越来越觉得自己空口说白话。 做主的门徒不应该只是用口的， 应该知道自制， 也要有吃苦的精神。

我要努力， 我要改变， 我要做主的门徒。

Memory

Today's is a wonderful day. Although the weather is cold, we had sunshine for the whole day. I like this kind of weather cause the air is so fresh, and when I got in my office, it's really warm, woow~~~~ so comfortable.

I did my regular work, checked Rec center, say good morning to the residents. Suddenly I just felt I am part of here. It is not only because I am working here, but I began to love this place, and love the people around me. It reminded me how God helped me in these months.

I always like to look back because it will let me know more how much God loves me. After the first job finished, I prayed almost one month to have the current job. It was really clear that God lead me to get that job and I experienced pray is powerful. To be honest, I don't like the job much because my manager didn't teach me much and everyday was so boring. It makes me want to give up and find another job, but I was asking myself if God gave me this job after I prayed, why I give up so easily, then I thought I need to be patient. One day, my manager told me that he has to go back to India for four months, and maybe not come back to this building. I was kind of happy about that he's leaving, but also afraid who will be the next manager. A week after, the new manager came and he was nice to me. After we worked together for a one week, I found out that he has so much experience and he taught me everything, I was so happy about it. Several months past, he was not satisfied with my work performance, and I thought he was so hard on me. I felt so much pressure on myself and cried in the night. I was afraid to go to work and wanted to give up again, but I still asked myself the same question if God gave me this job, why I want to give up so easily. I prayed everyday for improving myself in the work, and it's becoming better and better. One day, my manager talked with me and said "shan, you are good, you changed a lot. I'm so proud of you." That's amazing, my Lord is amazing. He can change me and change everything in a really short time, but we need to obey him. I learnt this lesson again, and I felt God loves me so much, and He really is my heavenly father. My weakness is I am not a organized and hands-on person, but God helped me to improve myself and gave me the ability to do my job.

Time goes fast, and tomorrow is a new day. I wish my relationship with God tomorrow is better than today.

Today is a really busy day, and my manager pushed me to do this and that, it drove me crazy. But THANK GOD, the day is finished, and I can have a rest on the weekend.

I have to wait for my Mom until 6:00 PM cause she drove the car to work. she came to pick me up earlier than 6 PM and I went out to meet her exactly on time, then she's angry about me and yell at me. I feel so sick of it, and I just don't want to talk. Actually I want to spend a good night with her, and tomorrow I will talk with her about baptism.
It's really hard to control myself at that moment, I think we hurt each other as well, maybe she hurts me much more that I hurt her. I really don't know. Lord, help me to take away my attitude to my Mom. I hope we can have a nice talk tomorrow and have the wisdom to make a right decision about the time for baptism.


Tonight, I watched "Larry King" (maybe this is the right name) on CNN, and it's an interview with Rick Warren, the author of Purpose of Driven Life. I didn't see the whole interview, but there is one point just caught my attention. Larry asked if God knows everything will happen to people , then they will not have free will. Rick gave a example...
"the destination will be London, and the people who wants to go there, can drive a car, can eat, can stay in a hotel, those are the free will, but whatever they did, the destination will be London."

And then I saw some slides that he talked with some black people, and they are so poor and dirty. Suddenly I just felt if I was there, do I want to hold their hand to talk with them, the answer maybe no. I think I don't have enough love in my heart, I can only love those people who's clean and lovely. On today's afternooon, there is a india family, the husband is so dirty, and smells awful, I don't want to talk with them, and I don't want them to touch my table and my pen, but they are my customers, I have to let them sit down and use my pen, after they gone, I cleaned the things they used right away. I think my attitude is not right. Jesus will not do this to any kinds of people. He loves all the people. Although I can not compare with Jesus, at least I should try to love people more whatever they are clean or dirty because they are the people who designed by God.